Feeling Left Out? How to Navigate Friend Group Exclusion
Feeling Left Out? How to Navigate Friend Group Exclusion
Recently the internet went wild with news that a celebrity mom, feeling excluded from her friend group, extricated herself by accusing the group of “acting like high schoolers” in their text chain.
The story resonated with a lot of women because it felt deeply familiar. Experiencing hurt from perceived exclusion isn’t a celebrity issue- it’s a HUMAN ONE. And for women in particular, who often invest heavily in their friendships, feeling excluded from a group, with no explanation, can be disorienting, frustrating and painful.
As a Certified Female Friendship Coach, I know that most friendship fractures don’t begin from a place of cruelty or malicious intent. Rarely is someone setting out to hurt another. More often, these fractures occur because of perceived exclusion, unanswered questions, the stories we tell ourselves, and dynamics around growing apart or a lack of communication.
If a friend group that you once cherished as a place of belonging now leaves you feeling like an outsider, here are some healthy ways to deal with it:
1. Pause and take a breath before assigning blame or intent
Your nervous system wants to cling to this negative story immediately, but not every missed invite or shifted dynamic is a signal that you aren’t wanted.
Ask yourself:
What do I know for sure?
What am I assuming?
Could there be explanations I haven’t considered?
A pause doesn’t invalidate your feelings, it protects you from reacting to a story you are telling yourself that may not be true.
2. Validate and normalize your feelings
Because you’re upset about this issue, and it’s been weighing on your mind and your heart, doesn’t make you needy, dramatic or weak. Exclusion triggers a basic human fear, abandonment. Acknowledge that your feelings are normal and valid, without judgment.
3. Check in with yourself and get clarity
Before reacting outwardly, clarify inwardly by asking:
Do I feel this friendship is serving me at this time? Has it run its course, or do I see it growing with me?
Is it possible I have been pulling away or sending mixed signals because of my ambivalence about this group?
Do I want reassurance and clarity from them?
Do I want to be included more, or do I feel better when I am away from them?
4. Share and get curious with the most trusted one in the group
If you realize that this friendship matters enough to try to preserve it, consider reaching out to the one member of the group who you trust most and feel the closest to.
You can let your feelings be known about what you perceive as exclusion, and hopefully get some clarity about what is actually happening from her perspective. Approaching from a place of openness and curiosity is essential, rather than leading with blame.
5. Listen without judgment
You may hear:
It wasn’t intentional
They didn’t realize
There were extenuating circumstances
Dynamics are shifting
The closeness isn’t what it once was
You made moves that were perceived as apathetic, disapproving or disengaged
Clarity can sting, but it’s healthier than remaining in the dark.
6. Accept what this friend group can realistically offer, or politely opt out
Not every friendship is meant to last. Sometimes they are for a season or a reason, not always a lifetime. Closure doesn’t always mean repair.
Sometimes it means:
Managing expectations within the group dynamic
Letting go of the group while holding onto individual connections
Creating healthy distance
Making space for friendships that feel more reciprocal and aligned
If you are struggling with this issue, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I can coach you step by step through this process, so that you can feel calm, clear, confident and capable, as you move forward positively with your friendships!
